Sample Technology Pact
“Each family’s pact will be different based on individual family culture: values, goals, beliefs, desires, personalities and ages of the children.
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Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash
Please note: This is a sample technology pact. Each family’s technology pact will be different. There is no right or wrong. Each family’s pact will be based on individual family culture: values, goals, beliefs, desires, personalities and ages of the children. That’s the beauty of families – we can be free to be ourselves and come up with family guidelines based on who we individually are. Thus while I am sharing with you a sample technology pact, which is imperfect at best, what you come up with in your family may be wildly different – and that’s OK!
Family Technology Pact Sample
We believe:
That we should be able to use technology.
That technology use should be in balance with other things we do in life.
That we all need to learn to self-monitor around behavior with technology to achieve this balance.
Except in emergencies, we will not use technology:
During dinner
Family discussions
While sleeping
Before basic chores/expectations are done (bags away, shoes away, say hello, see if anyone needs help).
Recreational technology is anything that is not important communication with friends/family or school work/learning. Given this, we will complete the following before doing any recreational technology:
Are expected chores complete? Check list left by mom or dad.
Bed made? Homework done if due tomorrow? Lunch unpacked?
Do mom and dad need help with anything? Are house tasks completed? Making dinner? Walking the dog?
Are your items put away downstairs? Backpacks, jackets, shoes, clothes.
Have you gone outside or done something active for 30 minutes? Or - is it definitely planned in the future (ex. sports practice)?
Have you done 30 minutes of either something creative or reading?
Is it 15 minutes before bedtime? If so, no media.**(the shorter time before bedtime is a pilot program to be evaluated….)
If so, then you get 30 minutes of plugged in media time. After that, do something else for 60 minutes. On weekends or when you have no school, you get 60 minutes, with a reset of 120 minutes of creative and outdoor time. You cannot have more than 2 hours of media per day.
Exceptions:
When friends are over (although you cannot be on media the entire time)
Movie nights
Reading online
One soccer game on Saturday and one soccer game on Sunday (except during World Cup…)
Communicating with friends - within reason. This is a judgement call and can be questioned
Car use: for long drives (over 1 hour drive) media can be used for half of the drive
Self-monitoring challenge: You need to show us you can stop exactly when the timer goes off for two weeks. At that point, if you have done this well, you earn the right to finish up a video for 1-2 minutes after the timer is done. If you cannot do this well, we reset the two week trial period.
If there is an emotional meltdown or excessive disrespect as a result of stopping digital media, it signals that you are not ready to manage the responsibility of using it. We will talk with you about what you are feeling and together make a plan of how to move forward. You may lose the privilege of digital media for a period of time.
Personal interaction: Media use (digital or otherwise) should not interfere with our interpersonal interactions. To that end, ask for the attention of the person using media, and that person will put down the device/ book/ etc. and respond with focus. Earphones are used in only one ear, or the user notifies the family that s/he is using both earphones and won’t be able to hear household conversations.
Safety: Do not say or post anything on social media or any online venue that you would not want to be broadcast wide and far. Treat others with respect. Talk to parents if you have questions or see something that makes you uncomfortable. (At an age appropriate level add in discussions about topics such as pornography, sexting and phone use while driving. Remember that children may encounter disturbing images at an age earlier than you might want to be having these conversations. Start early!)
Goals around media use (to be revisited and updated periodically):
Mom: don’t check email as much; put the phone down and intentionally respond to people without distraction
Dad: Check news only once/day
14 year old son: Do not look at Instagram as much
12 year old daughter: Respond to others when asked; master self timing of digital media use; don’t look at Instagram as much
Five Tips for Upholding your Technology Pact
Creating and holding to a Technology Pact sounds easy in writing. It’s really tough in reality. Our kids are going to push back. Here are some ideas for how to work through those times:
We as parents need to be consistent in a firm and kind way. This means maintaining limits with understanding and empathy. It also means that we have to manage our strong and reactive emotions as well. Not an easy feat, but with practice completely possible.
Help your child develop the skills of self regulation. If you find your child isn’t able to self regulate - that you are constantly nagging and engaging in power struggles around media use, or your child becomes an emotional mess when it’s time to stop, then that tells you your child needs some support. If your child isn’t able to hold to the agreement, then use a predetermined and agreed upon natural consequence. It is OK to take away the device for a set time if your child can’t independently stop their use. As parents, we have to be strong enough to handle the potential emotional fallout - a conversation for another time!
Help your children be mindful of their use. How are they engaging with their world as a result of their use? How do they feel before, during, and after their use? Ask them these questions.
Allow your children to see the natural consequences of overindulging in digital media. Are they unable to get their homework done, take care of their responsibilities in the home (which I highly advocate that they have), interact with others face to face, etc? I remember becoming somewhat addicted to the game “Asteroids” when I was in college to the point that it made me late for soccer practice. Soccer was my life at the time! I soon realized that I had to reign myself in and find a balance so the game wasn’t interfering with what was important in my life.
Consider the quality as well as the quantity of digital media use. Is it promoting healthy values and lifestyle? If not, have a conversation with your child about it. You may still agree that some of the content is OK to use, and you are talking about the values it is espousing.
Read more on creating a Family Technology Pact in my blog titled, “Need screen time limits? Create a family technology pact.”
Find the article from which this was excerpted at Getting Smart
